


(This is the End) But it Goes on and on Until we Disappear

by May_Guimaraes



Series: Blackstairs one-shots [3]
Category: Dark Artifices Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Emma tries to be a good friend, F/M, Forbidden Love, Julian needs to be saved at all costs, Kinda of a break-up fic, Post Lady Midnight, Soo sad, really angsty, they really love each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-21
Updated: 2016-04-21
Packaged: 2018-06-03 06:24:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6600253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/May_Guimaraes/pseuds/May_Guimaraes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Julian and Emma try to deal with the aftermath of the end of their relationship. Julian is not taking it very well.</p><p>I suck at summaries!!</p>
            </blockquote>





	(This is the End) But it Goes on and on Until we Disappear

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so this is a super angsty thing a wrote cause Lady Midnight left me with feelings, and well, this is what you got, Sorry!!
> 
> All of these amazing characters belong to Cassie Clare, the plot however is all fruit of my twisted brain...
> 
> Title comes from Play Crack The Sky by Brand New.
> 
> This is unbeta'd so please be nice!

Emma was starting to get worried, not only her really, everyone was, as dinnertime come and past without Julian appearing. It’s not that he didn’t skip meals, they all did at times, for various reasons. It’s just that no one saw him all day, when the twin went to look for him, found him locked inside his private studio, from where he shouted at them to leave him alone, without even opening the door.  
  
She couldn’t help but to feel guilty about it, it was, after all, her fault that Julian was in such a bad mood, and he hadn’t even found out about her plan to fake date Mark to break his heart. But, despite her guilty, she remained sure that this was the only way, she knew she could never fall out of love with him, so she hoped that he could after she broke his heart, that way they would all be safe from the parabatai curse.  
  
But she couldn’t handle him being as sad as he was at the moment, which she could see the irony of, but she hoped that he would be angry and mad with her, when she followed through with her plan, and not devastated as he appeared to be at the moment. So, she decidedly climbed all the stairs that led to the studio and knocked on the door, thinking maybe, he would talk to her, they were still best friends after all, and no matter what, they cared deeply for each other.  
  
\- Leave me alone! – Shouted Julian from the other side of the door.  
\- I’m not going anywhere Jules, so open the door.  
\- Leave me alone Emma, I just want to be alone right now. He sounded absolutely defeated.  
\- No, can’t do Julian, you’ve been alone for the whole day now, and you’re starting to scare the kids.  
\- I can’t see you now Emma, please leave. Tell my siblings I’m fine, that I just need some time.  
\- Sorry Jules, but I’m not leaving, so you have two options, you either open the door and let me in and we can talk about what’s upsetting you, or I’m gonna break in and drag you downstairs and make you start behaving like a regular human again.  
\- No Emma, you can’t do that, and you know very well why I’m upset, and why I can’t talk about it with you, or anyone else. – He said from the other side sounding unbelievably sad. – I just need time.  
\- I can’t give you that Julian, I’m sorry. Please, just let me in.  
  
With that she hears him sigh and the telltale sound of the door unlocking. He doesn’t open the door, but she takes that as an invitation to come in anyway. After she passes, he closes and locks the door again behind her, he goes promptly back to sit in front of his canvas, ignoring her in the process.  
She takes the opportunity to study him. He looks tires, like he hasn’t slept since their conversation yesterday, and so absurdly sad and defeated, like life just lost its interest to him. His hair is a mess, he looks pale and his eyes are bruised and sunken, the way his shoulders are slumped and his had hung makes her feel like the worst person in the world, knowing that she’s the one responsible for making him feel like that.  
  
She also takes the time to analyze the painting that he’s making. It’s absolutely breath taking, and something that she could never in a million years forget. He was painting their night together on the beach. The landscape was in the forefront of it, with the ocean and the cliffs, the moon looking enormous and landing an eerie quality to the lighting of the painting. You could see a couple lying together on the sandy beach, but they were too small and not really recognizable, but that moment was branded on her mind forever, and it was unmistakable. Emma was brought out of the thoughts by Julian speaking brusquely.  
  
\- What do you want Emma? What more could you want from me?  
\- Come on Jules, don’t be like that, please, just talk to me.  
\- Please don’t call me that.  
\- What? Jules? – He nods in agreement – I’ve always called you that.  
\- Not since – He pauses for a bit looking pained – That night. Now it makes me feel like a child.  
\- Ok Julian, but will you please talk to me. You know you can’t hide in here forever right?  
\- I know Emma; I said I just need a little more time.  
\- But we’re worried; it’s not like you to hide like this.  
\- Well, it’s not every day that I get my heart broken right? So, I need time to process, and this – he says gesticulating towards the painting – is how I process.  
\- Please, don’t do this. You know there are rules. You know why we can’t.  
\- _Lex Malla, Lex Nula_. My family was never one to blindly follow the rules of the Clave, at least not without knowing the reasons behind it.  
\- There’s a reason Julian, and a very good one at that, and it scares me.  
\- So tell me, tell me this very good reason why we can’t be together, even when I can’t imagine a life without you, when the idea of you with anyone else drives me crazy, when I know that I’ll never love anyone else, because the truth is that I’ve never really even seen anyone else but you, I can’t imagine building a future with another woman, and I start wondering if maybe dying isn’t just a better solution to this. I see no way out from you Emma, so tell me, why do I have to try and find one?  
  
She doesn’t know if it’s the desperation and pain on his voice, or the guilt and heartbreak she felt, she ends up telling him all that Jem told her about the parabatai curse, and all the horrible things that could happen if things continued the way that they are right now. He looks shocked for a moment, absorbing all this information that she dumped on him.  
  
\- Okay, I see now why we need to figure out a way to deal with this.  
\- Yes! You understand now why I did what I did?  
\- I do, but I also need some time to deal with all of this Emma, and I can’t do that in front of you or the others.  
\- Okay, but you can’t hide in here forever either Julian; you have a whole family that depends on you to keep going.  
\- I know, I just need a little more time. Could you please ask Livvy to put Tavvy to bed tonight, and that I promise to make pancakes tomorrow for breakfast.  
\- I’ll do that, and I’ll make myself scarce for a couple of days too, give you some space.  
\- Please don’t, I need you around, I worry when I don’t know where you are.  
\- I know you do, but I also need some space right now, to clear my head and everything.  
\- Okay, but where would you go?  
\- I think to New York, I’m gonna talk to Clary, ask to stay there for a while, I’ll say I need a break from LA after the whole Malcolm thing, and solving my parents murder.  
\- Okay, I guess I’ll see you when you come back.  
  
She turns around and leaves the room, feeling even worse than she was when she came inside it. When did her life become such a mess?

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, soo comments and kudos feed the muse!!
> 
> I have a multi chapter Jemma AU coming sometime soon, so folow me to know when I post it!!
> 
> Thank you guys soo much for reading the crazy ideas my brain comes up with... Any mistakes please let me know!!
> 
> Love ya!! XOXO


End file.
